Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Alien Neckties and UFOs - The Origin of the Tie


Having a little fun - humor never killed anyone, even silly humor. Ya Gotta laugh at this. Maybe not.

Did aliens invent neckties. This is a satirical version of who takes the credit, or blame for inventing neckties. With all this talk of UFOs in China, and Mexico lately, and aliens in flying saucers coming to Earth to conquer us - I felt compelled to compliment my  article "The Complete History of Neckties". Which is now in its 15th year of revision.

Last weekend, I posted an answer in www.answer.com about the origin of ties and that was when it finally hit me. It is all so clear now.  The answer as to who takes the credit for inventing the necktie is debatable. 

As far as the Croatians are concerned, this is their baby and they are really serious about defending this matter. Although there are no Croatians in my office or living next door I will offer some other conclusions regarding the origin of ties both satirical and historical as there are challenges to this account of fashion history, however I would not consider arguing that one in a bar in Croatia.

As far as aliens and ties go we should consider the history of neckties and the theory that extraterrestrials ( E.T.s) were here a long time ago. The interaction between aliens from other world's ( not aliens from Mexico ) and Earthlings may have led to many alterations to life on our planet and quite possibly some bizarre fashion influences. 

 Read the latest and greatest explanation of the origin of neckties below. You may agree that my conclusion is the most logical explanation for the question that has been asked over and over again, why ties?


I don`t know about that wave, kind of deceiving and what`s up with that symmetrical necktie knot.  It looks like the Windsor Tie Knot to me, which all but shoots down the Duke of Windsor as being the innovator of that one.  Wow, think about that one.

Where Did Neckties Come From? Finally Someone er Thing to Blame.


It was long thought that Croatian mercenary soldiers fighting a 30 year religious war in Europe in the 17th century were the cause of this fashion accessory for men. Those gallant soldiers wore a necktie of sorts around their neck on the battlefield as part of their uniform. Their valor and that fancy tie gave cause for King Louis the XIV of France to declare that the wearing of a necktie was to be allowed.  So, thanks to some historians and fashion experts the version of the origin neckties that is widely accepted and published is European; specifically Croatian. However there are instances of neck clothes depicted in history prior to the 30 year Religious War.


About 40 years ago archaeologists discovered neckties around the necks of a life size "Terracotta" army of soldiers that were buried in 221 B.C. with the fist Emperor of China to protect him in the after-life. Ties were not accepted as appropriate dress in China and the tie would not be seen again for over three centuries. In the beginning of the 2nd century Roman soldier servants are depicted in paintings and other art works wearing ties. Why the servants wore ties and not the soldiers are explained simply - it just was not politically correct to wear a neck cloth for Roman soldiers. Rome had forbid any cloth to be tied around a neck so about 1800 years ago there was apparently an anti necktie movement similar to what we are seeing today with the choice of casual dress being so popular.


As illustrated in the image here a Viking is seen with a necktie as the functional purpose of fastening his cape.  In Reykjavik Iceland a statue of Leif Ericson has a neck cloth being used to secure his cape.  The Icelandic Sagas illustrate great Viking battles and even the discovery of America by Lief Ericson a millennium ago, long before Christopher Columbus set sail. These chronicles have been translated into languages the world over, more so than any other dialect, but they make no mention of neck clothes from seven centuries after those fashion rouges, the Roman servants. 

None-the-less, the Vikings of Iceland have a part in my version of the history of ties. Once, while I was chilling out in a pub in Reykjavik Iceland a very drunk and very beautiful woman I met had a different version all together of how ties came into existence. However, somewhat hard to consider rationally, her remarks did give way to some thought. She claimed that about 100,000 B.C. a gorilla had fashioned a necktie out of vines with the hope of successfully courting a mate. Adding that this ingenuity was passed along to a descendant who invented the wheel - considered the greatest turning point in evolution or to be politically or religiously correct it should be said the greatest turning point in the advance of civilization. I had to shake my head at that one, but to be fair to that buxom beauty who could not keep her hands off my “tie” - this account is mentioned here with great candor.  

A gorilla and a tie as part of the evolution of fashion is possible.  They having opposing thumbs so he could tie it and somewhere along the line artistic expression had to come into thought, but considering a bunch of vines tied around a gorilla’s neck as being a necktie - is a real stretch. The gorilla will not take the prize here. Although we could consider an ancestor of man as being a possible innovator of neck wear as an accessory to dress as primal men would wear feathers and beads hanging around their necks to signify hierarchy.  Not exactly a cloth necktie so actually, I am not so sure about how historians would treat this one. 

Since ties are the subject of great debate, especially lately with far too many haters out there - someone should be held accountable for their introduction to men’s fashion. So to sum it all up here is my theory on the origin of neckties. I have learned it is not always easy to discuss religious or political beliefs; especially when the main goal is to sell something - in this case, neckties. So not to offend anyone regarding religious belief, cultural up-bringing or national pride over how the tie came into existence, or which country claims the necktie as their contribution to mankind - my "satirical" explanation as to where ties come from is as follows.

   

Creation for my understanding was that extraterrestrials created humans on Earth.  Not that I believe actually that there was an Adam and Eve as it is too much a fairy tale.  Adam and Eve have navels in many of the paintings illustrating them in the Garden of Eden including the work of Michelangelo that is famously painted on the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel and Adam is not wearing a tie so at least we can be sure that God did not create the necktie, they were both meant to be naked.  

 I can avoid offending anyone religiously regarding the theories of creationism or evolution.

Additionally, I will not insult anyone’s national pride either by hurting feelings as I just I do not agree with the historian’s account of the necktie origin either. Maybe those Chinese warriors were crafted wearing narrow bibs, after all those chop sticks do tend to splatter stuff. In reality, it would seem to me that those Croatians, Romans, and Chinese warriors had much more important things on their minds like dodging arrows and flaming projectiles than trying to be fashionable. Anyway, as mentioned already those things hanging on their necks do not even look like ties at all, more like scarves - maybe!

Now, concerning the images above, ( no question about that - that is a tie hanging on that lime green silicone-esh neck ). Convinced with unquestionable evidence, as I found this picture online in a Google image search with witnesses, I will go on record and give the necktie invention to aliens from another Galaxy who probably left a suit case behind by mistake - with some ties in it, after a brief visit to our planet. That was probably not the first time, nor certainly was it the last time a suitcase was lost by a tourist. Man if I had a quarter for every sob story I have had to listen to about missing, lost or otherwise wayward ties I would be a wealthy man.

Now, that should keep me out of trouble with the Croatians, the Chinese, the Romans, the French, the Icelandic babe, the religious, Nordstrom’s, and for heaven's sake - the gorillas.



The Complete History of Neckties

The Mystery of the Windsor Necktie Knot